I swear, the plumbing waits to break until I have to get to my job. I was nearly late today because of that dratted shower. Fortunately Dr. Burton was very understanding. I'm quite lucky to have him as an employer. He's always very tolerant of my -- eccentricities, I guess. And the fact that he hired someone living in an asylum's halfway home -- well. I am fortunate.
I wish I could say the same for my fellow inmates. Apparently we had two stove fires in a row while I was out. Two! Didn't someone realize after the first one that the stove needed to be cleaned of grime? Or at least think that maybe trying to burn something new in there was a bad idea?
Then again, I really mustn't be too hard on these men. They're not doing well at all. Admittedly things are not as bad as they are at Rutledge Asylum (poor Alice!), but I'm finding people sobbing their eyes out more and more frequently now. Mike continues to do the worst -- constantly crying about how he should be in a good job, earning money for a family. Poor fellow. . . .
Albert's the other one I have to watch the most. He doesn't cry so much as mutter to himself. Things like all the fun he'd have if he was out of this asylum. I've tried to engage him in conversation on these topics, but. . . Well, I'm not a doctor, and he just tunes me out. We really need a visit from professionals here. I don't understand why they haven't come.
After all, you'd think having two stove fires in a row would be an indicator we need someone to watch over us! But no, I haven't heard from them in ages. It's almost like they've abandoned us here. But they wouldn't do that, would they? That would be too cruel for words!
At least not everything happening here lately is bad. I've been doing quite well in my job. Dr. Burton is a fine employer, and I really like the work we do. He even lets me do some entomology-related things in my spare time. It's so nice to be paid to draw my butterflies! And paid quite well too. If only I could get that next promotion. . .
And Johnny seems to be doing quite well. He claims that all the time he's spent in the gyroscope has improved his fitness greatly. I don't know about that, but he is looking well. And he generally acts the sanest of the bunch, honestly. Maybe the gyroscope does help. . . ? (Goodness, I can't believe I'm actually considering trying it. I'm mad indeed.)
Then again. . .I do find it a little worrying that Johnny's idea of a completed snowman is one without a face. He said it "looked right" that way. I was tempted to put one on later, but I didn't want to upset him. No sense in making enemies in this house. Besides, Chris is finally leaving me alone -- do I want to give someone else a reason to shout at me?
I just have to remember to think positive. Think of the good things. Think of how good it'll be once we're all cured and released. Think of --
Do excuse me, I just had to go investigate a sound. Apparently Mike and Albert have taken to acting in unison for some reason. Perfect unison.
Would anyone hold it against me if I said, just once, that I really want out of this place? Because I do. I really, really do.
Do excuse me, I just had to go investigate a sound. Apparently Mike and Albert have taken to acting in unison for some reason. Perfect unison.
Would anyone hold it against me if I said, just once, that I really want out of this place? Because I do. I really, really do.
***
All right. Things may not be as bad here as at Alice's Rutledge, but I'm starting to wonder if we're getting there. Mike is still sobbing at random intervals about his lost dreams, and nothing anyone can say or do can comfort him. I'm just waiting for the moment when he pulls out a flour baby or puts a lampshade on his head.
However, my real worry is about the food situation. Specifically, the fact that nothing will prevent my fellow inmates from making and consuming grilled cheese.
Including spoilage.
I still can't believe it happened. There I was, cleaning the stove in preparation for another day's cooking, when I saw Tim preparing grilled cheese sandwiches using clearly spoiled ingredients! For God's sake, there were even flies buzzing around the cheese!
Including spoilage.
I still can't believe it happened. There I was, cleaning the stove in preparation for another day's cooking, when I saw Tim preparing grilled cheese sandwiches using clearly spoiled ingredients! For God's sake, there were even flies buzzing around the cheese!
And then he attempted to eat one of his creations! Fortunately some sort of survival instinct must have kicked in, because he never actually got the sandwich to his lips. He just reached for it, then seemed to realize it was emitting a disturbing green haze and was probably not meant for human consumption. I managed to clean up the rest before anyone got any bright ideas.
It's both horrible and baffling. I tried making a different meal for everyone -- a nice salad (I didn't trust myself to cook anything decent on the stove). Everyone ignored it. I think Paul eventually ate a portion, but the rest went into the icebox as leftovers. At least I have something to eat now that isn't grilled cheese.
The truly disturbing part, I think, is how the others are seemingly forgetting how to care for themselves. I found Albert complaining of starvation when there were plenty of (fresh!) grilled cheese sandwiches available for the taking. And so many of my fellows neglect their bathing now, I'm honestly surprised the shower sees any use.
And -- and I'm terrified it's going to start affecting me too. Whatever's got them acting like this. Because -- because I've started seeing things. Nothing -- major, I suppose, but --
When I watch some of the others playing the piano, I think I see them -- glowing. I first noticed it with Chris. There he was, playing a piece (and quite well -- he's improved remarkably since arrived), when suddenly, he began to glow. And when I questioned him about it, he said he hadn't noticed anything -- that he was totally lost in the music.
When I watch some of the others playing the piano, I think I see them -- glowing. I first noticed it with Chris. There he was, playing a piece (and quite well -- he's improved remarkably since arrived), when suddenly, he began to glow. And when I questioned him about it, he said he hadn't noticed anything -- that he was totally lost in the music.
I might have been able to pass it off as a one-time thing, but then I saw the same thing happen to Danny! And no one else seemed to notice! Am -- am I going backwards? Will I have to return to the asylum??
No. No, I'm not going back. I'm fine. I must be. It's just a minor visual hallucination, one that I recognize as such. I'm sure it'll go away.
Besides, I'm doing so well in my job! Dr. Burton has me doing a little teaching to some younger assistants he's taken on! And he even gave me a reward for discovering what we think is a new star when I was doing some at-home astronomy work! (Dr. Burton dabbles in many sciences. It's fun learning so many new things.) Could I really be going insane if I'm functioning so well in the outside world?
Besides, I'm doing so well in my job! Dr. Burton has me doing a little teaching to some younger assistants he's taken on! And he even gave me a reward for discovering what we think is a new star when I was doing some at-home astronomy work! (Dr. Burton dabbles in many sciences. It's fun learning so many new things.) Could I really be going insane if I'm functioning so well in the outside world?
I'm even getting to know some of the people in the town proper better. This older lady, Ms Tomyoy, greeted me outside the asylum gates earlier this evening, and we had a little chat. She told me how glad everyone was that we'd all come, and that they looked forward to seeing how well we did. Remembering that makes me feel better already. Everyone in Restful Springs wants to see us get better. A more wonderful support system you couldn't ask for.
Now, I'd best find myself a bed before they're all taken. I don't want to spend a night sleeping on the couch, like I've seen some of the others do.
Now, I'd best find myself a bed before they're all taken. I don't want to spend a night sleeping on the couch, like I've seen some of the others do.
***
Well, I finally told her. Alice called today for a chat, and after we spent some time talking about our roommates' antics, she asked again why I was committed to an asylum. And I decided I had to stop deflecting her questions. She's my friend, she deserves to know. So I told her the whole story -- about Victoria, Emily, and my failed weddings. About visiting the afterlife and raising the dead.
She was -- stunned, to say the least, but -- she also didn't immediately hang up. I did my best to explain that I really wasn't a necrophiliac -- she can believe me delusional if she wants. It might be easier than insisting it really happened. That just gets me into trouble. The conversation ended up going rather better than I expected, honestly. She even asked me a few questions about the afterlife. I think she was vaguely hoping I would be able to give her news on her parents and sister. I wish I could have -- if I ever do end up down there again (unlikely), I'll ask after the Liddells of Oxford. It's the least I can do for her.
It is heartening to know I'm not the only one seeing that strange glowing -- Alice has too, around some of the girls who are obsessed with chess. At least now I can be assured it isn't some sort of hallucination. But then -- what is it? And why does it appear? I've seen Danny glowing sometimes when he's merely standing next to the piano, listening to someone else play. What's the cause?
I've been watching myself as I play -- I have yet to see any mysterious glows pop up around my body. Which I'm glad of, but it still means I've got a mystery on my hands. One that I'm too worried to talk to anyone except Alice about, for fear of being branded mad again.
I already know my roommates won't be much help -- most of them are still struggling with keeping themselves under control. It's not uncommon now to come across someone sobbing, or worrying to themselves about failed goals. Goodness, Albert broke down in front of the grocery delivery man the other day! I did my best to quiet him, but he kept wailing on about how he was sure he was going to die here. Poor man, to believe that! I certainly hope none of us are going to die here.
Then again, Johnny starting another stove fire the other day makes me wonder sometimes. Nobody's gotten hurt yet, but. . . Well, some days I don't feel right, walking out the door to my job. I worry terribly about what they get up to when I'm not there to help. (Where are the doctors? We need them!)
Particularly because my fellow inmates seem to be having some troubles taking care of themselves. Oftentimes they'll complain about being hungry, and yet never make themselves anything to eat. It doesn't help that we go through groceries at a terrifying rate. I don't know how we manage it, really. I know I buy more than bread and cheese! Where does it all go?
At least I have my friends to help keep me sane. I've kept up my acquaintanceship with Miss Tomyoy -- she comes by every so often for a chat. Says she's sure I need more intellectual stimulation that what I get locked up in there. Which is true, in a sense, but still a little insulting to my roommates. It's not their fault they went mad. But she's still a good conversationalist. And of course, there's always Alice. . .if I haven't driven her away. . . I think our talk went well, but I can't know for sure yet. . .
I need something to take my mind off it. And the piano downstairs is sounding dreadfully out of tune these days. . .poor thing, we work it so hard. . . I need to give it some care.
***
It's a very bad sign that I'm starting to get used to the sound of people sobbing, isn't it? I don't know what to do anymore. Every day at least one of my fellow inmates breaks down in tears for some reason. Mike keeps crying about how he needs to get working again and earn money. . .
Albert sobs about how much he misses his family, and how he should be starting one of his own. . .
Tim worries about much the same -- apparently he had a daughter before being committed, and he really misses her. The poor man.
Even Chris, whom I thought immune to such things, broke down in tears the other day! I couldn't find out the reason. It's beyond depressing to see them all sliding backward. And there's nothing I can do to help. I'm not a doctor. All I can do is just -- try to be there, I suppose.
As for me, I'm just doing my best to keep up my studies and keep positive. Jumping rope has proved to be remarkably soothing in this regard. Physical activity helps keep my mind off things.
And I'm continuing my friendship with Miss Tomyoy. She's nice to talk to, and quite interested in my life before the asylum. I told her all about Father's canning business. I'm not something I'm really all that personally interested in, but I'm willing to share details if it makes her happy.
Of course, the person I'll always enjoy talking to the most is Alice. I'm so relieved that she didn't decide to end our friendship after learning why I was institutionalized. She's the best friend I've had in a long time, and losing her. . . I don't want to think about it.
Of course, the person I'll always enjoy talking to the most is Alice. I'm so relieved that she didn't decide to end our friendship after learning why I was institutionalized. She's the best friend I've had in a long time, and losing her. . . I don't want to think about it.
But still, I can't stop myself from worrying about the others. Especially when they're still having such trouble taking care of themselves. I've heard them begging each other for food when plates of grilled cheese were laid out right in front of them. And there's still the issue of a few of them playing the piano to exhaustion. What do I do? What can I do?
I don't know anymore. Sometimes I think my only hope comes in studying so I'll have the skills to take care of everyone. I actually found quite the fascinating book the other day. It purports to teach one the secrets to lifelong happiness. I could use that, I think. Maybe I'll go downstairs and read some more of that for a while. Calm my nerves.
***
Spring has arrived, though you wouldn't know it from looking outside yet. This is my favorite season, and yet I don't have much enthusiasm for its arrival this year. Maybe because I'm still here in Houndsditch. I've been trying very hard to fulfill my goal -- studying to improve my mind, jumping rope to improve my body -- but. . .
Well, it can be rather hard to concentrate when you can hear one of your roommates wailing in the bathroom.
Things remain something of a mess here at Houndsditch. Whenever I'm home, I can be sure to see at least one person crying or worrying about how they're failing their hopes and dreams. It makes me so sad to see everyone slowly breaking down.
At least no one's gone completely around the bend again yet, though I'm keeping a wary eye out. Mike, who was arguably the worst of them, says he's feeling better these days. He has been calmer, but -- I hesitate to call anyone who punches another person, and allows himself to punched in turn, for fun truly sane. (Unless he's a boxer, which he's not.)
And of course, the obsession with grilled cheese continues. I've learned to tune it out, more or less. They're happy with their sandwiches -- who am I to deny them what they love? (Even if they still can't explain why they love it.) It's just easier. (Perhaps this makes me a bad person, going for what's easy, but -- I'm worn out, trying to solve every little problem. I have to let some mysteries go.)
On the plus side, I finished reading my book. I found it very engaging -- what the author said made a lot of sense to me. One has to weather the peaks and valleys of life as best they can. And I -- I feel more -- centered, if that makes any sense. More sure of myself. It's nice. I should lend the book to Alice, I'm sure she'd appreciate it. . .
I should really go to bed -- I'm quite tired, and I'm worried I won't get a bed if I don't go now. Before I stop, however, I want to write this down, because it's very odd --
That strange henge that sits between my "house" and Alice's? It never got any snow on it. Not once this winter. I don't know how that could be, but -- there it is. I wish I had someone I could ask about it.
That strange henge that sits between my "house" and Alice's? It never got any snow on it. Not once this winter. I don't know how that could be, but -- there it is. I wish I had someone I could ask about it.
***
The days are starting to blend into each other a little. I seem to have fallen into a routine -- wake up, take care of my basic needs as best I can, go to work, come home, study, and go to bed. This was my first day off in a while, and. . . Well, is it so horrible to say I almost wish it hadn't been? Being around the others for so long really saps at your energy. I feel bad for them, of course, I always do, but -- I don't know what to say anymore when I see someone sobbing about their failed goals. Everything feels hollow.
And there always seems to be at least one person crying, regardless of the time of day. It's terribly depressing. And it makes me angry at the doctors who brought us here and then, for all intents and purposes, abandoned us. Is this some sort of sick experiment, to see how much already-fragile people can take before they crack? And I thought Barkis was a cruel person.
At least not everyone's miserable. Danny's doing rather well for himself. He bragged to me the other day that he's learned every composition we have available to play on the piano. I must say, he is quite skilled -- arguably the best pianist we have in the house.
Which means I've got a lot of catching up to do -- if he can learn them all perfectly, so can I. I don't get nearly as much time as I'd like on the instrument. At least no one's booing my rusty playing anymore. The others seem to like it a lot, in fact. I'm very pleased. And quite proud of myself for not feeling so nervous at playing in front of them. Maybe it's because I know them all by now. I don't mind baring my soul a bit.
One thing that does worry me a little is that I'm still seeing that mysterious glow. Sometimes someone will be glowing just when they're reading the paper. I've asked them what they're reading, and -- well, oddly enough, it always seems to relate to their favorite hobby. But why would that cause a glow? I've discussed it with Alice (and thank God she sees it too -- it's good to know I'm not completely insane myself), and neither of us can make heads or tails out of it.
I've considered discussing it with Vamsi, but I'm worried she'd think I really was mad and recommend that I be locked up properly again. Besides, I don't want to lose my only other friend besides Alice. It's good to talk to someone who doesn't have anything to do with mental illness sometimes. Thank God for friendly passers-by.
Oh, and that new book Alice lent me when I visited Rutledge the other day was quite a good read! Now I understand better what she was doing outside. Maybe I'll give this "yoga" a try myself. It couldn't hurt, and I did want to get myself as fit as possible. A healthy body helps foster a healthy mind, after all.
Oh dear, I'm going to have to cut this entry short. I've just been informed the shower is broken again. Maybe, when I get out of here, I should get a new job as a plumber. (Unless Dr. Burton agrees to keep me on? I wouldn't mind living in this town, I don't think. . .)
***
There was another fire today in the kitchen -- another strong build-up of grime. My fellow patients were able to handle the blaze, but I've decided to make studying fire safety a priority. I'd feel absolutely awful if anyone lost their life due to a simple kitchen fire. I've found a book on the subject in our small collection of reading material, and I'm trying to encourage everyone to read it.
Not that I'm having much luck. My fellow patients remain rather -- broken, I suppose. Hardly a day goes by without someone breaking down crying. I'm practically used to the sound, terrible as that is. I really wish I could help everyone more, but -- what can I do? I've had no luck getting a proper doctor in, and I can't be around to comfort them all the time. Without my job, we'd starve. I suppose all I can do is provide whatever support I can. Support and hope we'll all get out eventually.
In happier news, I've given Alice's "yoga" a try. I'm predictably bad at most of the poses right now. Holding your legs above your head is quite difficult!
However, it does have its benefits. I've already noticed a distinct increase in my fitness. I've actually developed a few muscles. I never thought I'd do that. I feel -- manly, as silly as that may sound. I'll really have to thank her the next time I see her.
Other than that -- there's really nothing else to report. Work continues to go well, I'm keeping up on my studies, the other men are hanging on as best they can. . . It's quiet. Which is a good thing, I guess.
Oh dear -- was a good thing, I'm afraid. I just heard a very distinct sound from the next room. I'd better go clean that up before someone steps in it trying to use the "therapeutic rotation device."
Oh dear -- was a good thing, I'm afraid. I just heard a very distinct sound from the next room. I'd better go clean that up before someone steps in it trying to use the "therapeutic rotation device."
Sims Week 2 Completed
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- Cooking 3
- Mechanical 5
- Charisma 3
- Body 4
- Logic 3
- Creativity 6
- Cleaning 6
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